Self interrogation

Today was an 'off' day. With over 75 hrs of rest, I had high hopes; but instead I struggled to push myself as hard as I'd wanted to. Today I ran ~3 miles and then ran a mile loop wanting to run it as fast as I could; but I couldn't muster better than 7:22. In the past I'd be under 7 for that mile... it was kind of disappointing that I couldn't push myself harder. After another half mile or so I stopped running and started walking so I could try to deal with the many thoughts.

What I found myself doing was asking myself question after question. Much like an interview which turned into an interrogation. Below is a sample of some of the content of my walk back to my house on this aborted run after ~4.5 miles.

Why do you train? I'm not sure I know how to answer that question .. I think it involves who I am at a very deep level. (It's worth thinking about though and will have to simmer on it.)

Many people exercise, but you train: why? I see training as exercise with the additional purpose of seeing continued improvement. More than just health improvement, but performance in what I'm training for. To be able to have the 3 F's (Fun, Fast, Far) present in more events.

What drives you? That's a tough answer as it is I'm sure very complicated and probably would expose some character and personality flaws.

I've now injected you with a truth serum. Again: why do you train? Ahhh .. I like alone time, I like being out doors, I enjoy Gods creation, I like the way I feel afterwards; the sense of accomplishment, I like to be active with my kids, I like that it burns calories (that I need to dispose of the Blue Bell Mint-Chip ice cream that haunts me), I like to be fit, I like to be able to be competitive in sports and activities, it helps me feel good about myself (which exposes another area that is worth further private simmering)..

What happened today: why were you walking? I was at a point where I was mentally frustrated as I was thinking about all kinds of different things that are active in my life right now. In the past I've used walking as almost a therapy - a time when I'm enjoying being outside and getting some light exercise, but have my mind free to ponder and think. When I'm training, my mind is more engaged in keeping my body in line. So, today, I thought it was best for me to ratchet down the exercise intensity and free my mind to ponder the deeper issues that seem to be ever present these days.

How long did you walk? - It was from that point until my front door: just over 36 minutes and just under 2 miles. I wrestled through the pride that wanted to push me to start running on a couple occasions. It was a good walk, and I may need to add some walks to my life to help process the things that I don't have the capacity to think about when I'm training. Even though I'm having a hard time pushing myself at the level that I'd like, it's still difficult for me to drop back to a walk. So - just doing it has value.

What did you learn about yourself as it relates to exercise and nutrition? - I have little true discipline. I can follow a set of rules pretty well, but when I try to live in 'freedom' I tend to struggle very much. For example: if I say "No Ice cream." - then I can stick to that. But when I say I'm going to allow it - then I have little self control. I want to get to a place where I can live in freedom, but I don't know how to get there. Or maybe I do, but that gets much deeper than exercise and nutrition...

Why have you started running again? - Because biking was taking more time than I had available. There are no 3-4 hour blocks of time available on Saturdays for long rides. And the 90 minute rides during week days is getting scarcer too. Running can be done in less time. And in the past I've enjoyed it - more than biking a year and a half ago. As an unaccomplished runner there are many milestones out there for me: my first marathon, a BQE (Boston Qualifying Event), an ultra, a sub 7 minute 5 k, ...????

What are your running goals? - I'd like to run a marathon; something I've not done yet. I'd also like to do an iron man someday. That will take a lot of swimming work, but it looks like such an adventure - something I'd really like to prepare for and attempt someday. Maybe when the kids are out of the house I'll have more time to devote to training. That'd put me in my early 50's.

The questions continued. The value of todays training was mostly in the time of walking. I Enjoy walking. It's good for me!

Maybe it's time for YOU to have some self interrogation?!