Why run?

It was windy and warm at lunch and had rained in the AM so things were still a bit wet when I left for my lunch run.  

[But first my middle daughter participated in her first High School cross country meet this morning. It was close by and her group ran first. They were running through fields and they all came in with mud on their shoes and legs - it was a tough course in the wetness of the morning hours. She ran the whole way and had a strong kick at the finish before creating a mini-vortex sucking in all the near by oxygen after finishing .. I'm glad I was able to watch and cheer for her. My son also had his second swim meet - doing the fly, back, breast, freestyle and IM; sounds neat.]  

Back to my lunch run/experience: rather than have to intense of a goal for this run (for fear of setting myself up for failure) I decided it would be reasonable to aim for having a fun run and set a modest pace of less than 9 minute / miles. This was all going fine and I found at this level I had more free brain cells to ponder other things than just keeping my body on task. 

At about mile 3.5 - my spirit was pricked with the thought of walking again. O man, what a struggle... , I didn't want to walk, I wanted to run. But, I want my running to be more than just running for my own enjoyment, pleasure, pride, accomplishment .. etc. And more than that, I want my life to be more too.  

I recognized the questions and where this was going: "What if God asked me to walk?" Such a simple request; would I acknowledge it; would I honor it; what if it was just my own thoughts; ..??? But then, what if it was indeed God? To that, what could I do, but to start walking and give my full (active) brain cell count to the oncoming questions..  

"Why is it a big deal to stop and walk - why do I resist it so much?" It has something to do with the 'conquer' aspect of my training; to walk is a lesser conquer. It also has something to do with my pride: how do I log it and track it ...it just makes things more complicated. But then life is complicated and the walks are at a time when my mind is sharp and able to hear, ponder and make decisions that otherwise may not be dealt with.  

"So how long do I walk this time; all the way home?" That was the wrong question. That was my question. It wasn't time for my questions, but rather to walk and listen and answer.  

A passage came to mind: whatever you do, do it with all your heart, unto the Lord, not for men. Hmmm...? Who was I running for: myself, others ... ?  

Another passage came to mind: it's not what goes into a mans mouth that makes him unclean, but what comes out; for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. Another hmm..? I sure think a lot about what goes into my mouth; but I need to think more about what is coming out of my mouth. Which leads to thinking more about my heart. As one who has had some physical issues with my heart - my heart is a familiar topic in both physical and spiritual contexts. I've learned to be able to feel my heart beating, to even hear it. I need that kind of sensitivity to the spiritual side of my heart.  

It had been less than a 1/2 mile back up the road that I said I was willing for God to destroy me, or atleast anything that wasn't of him in my life.. wow, that didn't take long, just a few minutes. Now he's told me to stop running and I find myself walking again. I don't want to be destroyed, but I really do believe that I don't want to have all this World has to offer and not have God. I trust that others have moments, that it's clear are significant; where choices are made and directions started: the first spark of a Great fire. I think this was one for me.  

What I heard was: run for me, bike for me, ... whatever you do, do it for me. If you're going to complain, whine, be discouraged, get puffed up, proud, or anything else - than stop; don't do it. If you can run for me - than run! Run hard and find joy in me. It was an interesting dialog and I'm certain that more details are to be worked out - likely on future runs with periods of high neural walks. But the conclusion that I reached today was that I could run - but I have to run for the right reasons and with the right attitudes.  

So after about a half mile of listening, talking and walking I started running the last 3/4 mile home. I felt motivated to run. I thought of how God's Spirit moved his people from one place to another; I thought about how to use the growing discomfort in my body to give joy to my creator. I found my mind full and busy in not so much pushing myself as it was pushing myself so I could rejoice that I was able to run hard. It's still an image/expression that is difficult to communicate. Maybe in a lesser way like John tried to express what he saw in heaven and in the presence of God.  

When I stopped at the end of my street for the recovery walk to my door - I was tired; but focused. I had run hard that last bit and it was GREAT! I'd run harder than I have for some time! More Hmmm ... moments as I walked home and pondered further... And so the tools of nutrition and exercise continue to be used in my life by a loving God: used to shape, mold and direct my life.