Why keep training??!

Sooner or later we all ask this question: "Why am I doing this?" It may be in the context of physical training, school, work, marriage, faith, ... it's a question that penetrates all boundaries in life.

So as I'm finding myself awake, again, and not wanting to disturb my wife (this time) who is sleeping so soundly so near by, I'm going to think elsewhere and let her sleep. Tonight I'm wrestling with a common question in my life: why am I doing what I'm doing?

Physical Training:
Why do I keep at the daily physical training? For me it's not to reach an end goal and then stop, but rather a continued process of wanting to be my best each day. Some days I'll be able to train 3 times and others I may be able to train for a week. I've yet to run a marathon - something I would very much like to do some day. But it's not a fundamental motivator in my training. It'd be neat to be able to do 20 pull ups, bench press 300 lbs, ride a sub-5 hr century, run a BQE (Boston Qualifying Event) ... but the real bottom line for me in training has to do with the quality of my life. If training for a specific goal takes time away from other more important life goals - then I have to adjust my training and possible short term goals. Physical training has it's place; it's a big rock for me, but not my biggest.

A bigger rock: my Marriage
My wife and I went to a marriage conference a few weeks ago - maybe 4 now. It was very good. I've been reviewing the material and there are many pearls of wisdom there. One of them was, "You can't get a new spouse, but you can give your spouse a new you." If you're married - you should re-read that. It hits full strength on the "Why am I doing this?" question in the context of marriage. If our perspective is me centered, then being open to making ourselves a better spouse with out any guarantee of it being reciprocated, is very tough indeed. But, that's what separates Great marriages, Poor marriages and divorced marriages.

Having been married almost 22 years - we've seen some rough seasons and both want more in our marriage. But it's possible that more of our needs may never get met. That's a difficult reality to consider, but it's a real possibility. What I can do is change my thinking; to "GIVE" more of me; learn to communicate and express Love in a way that my wife understands (5 Love Languages); don't be so selfish (let her rest while I lie awake in bed); consider if my expectations are appropriate or should I have any expectations at all?; do I communicate my needs as requests or demands?; do I punish and reward - or just Love? There are so many things to consider when I'm willing to reflect and work on myself - where I can actually change.

Another good pearl was "The grass is greener where you water it most". Meaning: work your own garden, raise your own flowers and trees, keep your own fountain flowing, use your own actions to build into your marriage - don't look for a garden that has the flowers you want already blooming. Work the ground, dig up the rocks, make the rows, plant the seeds -- and Water them: enjoy making the garden God gave you a beautiful place. Our spouse is that garden and a fountain to be enjoyed.

Another wasn't new - but nice to hear how important it is to understand that marriage isn't a 50-50 deal: it's 100-100. We have to be willing to give 100% independent of the contribution of our spouse. It ties into the giving your spouse a new you concept: where we can act independently of our spouses actions. And biblically, when we stand before God and give an account, Revelation 20:11-15 there won't be any using our spouses as an excuse.

The marriage changer for me was asking God for the desire to change myself even if my wife never did. That I would be an honorable husband and father: period. No conditions. And very shortly after those prayers came another prayer, "help me love her as you love her" - another biggie.

For those with a Biblical belief on marriage, the Husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church (and in the OT as God loved his people). This is a love that exceeds my capacity to give on my own. God's example is to a people that regularly choose other lovers (other Gods) and yet He continued to love and restore His bride. It's a VERY high bar. And one that I can wrestle with several times a day - more when I'm needy and frustrated that "my" needs are going unmet --- or are they? Are they really going unmet, or am I just thinking wrongly? I am certainly not a perfect man, but I am thankful that God has been giving me this desire of my heart - to be able to Love my wife more like he loves His bride. I know my wife has seen a change in me over these last 5 months and I look forward to seeing what a few more years like this will grow in our garden. :-)

What's the purpose of marriage anyways - biblically (Matthew 22:23-33 ) there is no marriage in heaven , so why work so hard at it? For me, I believe marriage is bigger than the two of us. It's one of those cases where the sum of the parts is greater than the whole! Where else can we be so close to another person and have God work through them to shape our character? And children .. they are a gift from God; as difficult as they can be, they are still a gift from God. So, marriage is a deeper training: a life training. Other than God, it's most peoples biggest rock, unless the rocks are out of balance ...

So, why keep training? To be the best I can be: physically, emotionally and spiritually. So when this life ends and I stand before my creator with out all my excuse cards, my life won't be a shame. Everything done for myself will have no value on that day.

(Maybe I can get to sleep now .. time to try. I'll have to re-read this in the morning... wow it's late/early .. I guess I'm a slow thinker...)