Today's entry involves exercise, but as a distraction for my body so my mind can do something else...
I awoke this morning 19 minutes after the radio had gone off. (I have the volume set very low so it doesn't wake or bother my wife.) This morning when I went to exercise, I decided to skip the weights and just ride instead. I was hoping to ride 2 hrs this morning (my plan for M-Th of this week), but only got in 80 minutes. Due in part to oversleeping and more fiddling on the saddle to get a more proper fit.
The time on the trainer wasn't a hard work out physically, but rather was a time for reflection and talking with God. I didn't have any music playing, or the radio, or any movies to distract me mentally while I exercised. The exercise was like the background for the mental work; it was the distraction for my body so my mind could be on other things...to listen to my own thoughts, to ask God for help in areas that I struggle and to allow the thoughts and concerns of the day to have some attention.
What I learned wasn't some new revelation, but rather a reminder and a deeper understanding that I have a tendency to overeat. Many think I am very disciplined and in some ways I am-but I find that I still struggle with food. So that is where I spent a good portion of time in my mental work out this morning. I have discipline in place to help me--out of necessity. I enjoy eating healthy foods, but I tend to overeat. I still struggle with allowing myself to be hungry. The thought that came to me this morning was that food is like a drug (for me and others): it keeps me a little numb, it provides pleasure, it can help me feel better, it can help me to forget my troubles for a short time, it's addictive, it can kill me...it's a robber of life! When I'm nervous I can just eat and feel better (for a short while) with out dealing with the source of that nervousness. It's an escape...that ends in death.
Today I am going with out food--water only. I've gone through seasons in my life where I've fasted. The last few years much of my fasting has had a nutritional motivation: doing quarterly multi-day cleansing juice fasts, periodic daily fasts, etc. But recently Monday fasts have been drawn back to water only and with the purpose of a deeper relationship with God. I am desiring to allow a certain ambient hunger to be a part of my daily life. I have a saying that I would like to be a character trait: "To be hungry for God--not full of food." It's not an area that I want to increase in 'self-discipline' to let myself be hungry, but rather that it will become a part of who I am. I would like for the way I think about eating to be 'right'--that it's to sustain life in my body, not provide an escape to my real life.
The thought for today: do some mindless exercise (like riding a stationary bike) to keep your body entertained so your mind can consider what needs to be considered. Live life to the fullest--that's what I want too.
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